This was definitely not the only free spot |
Whatever. I have long accepted that if I see a BMW, I need to be prepared to get cut off or tailgated or turned into roadkill, so I just try to avoid them. But, the one thing that I can't figure out is how does this happen? When people buy a BMW, is it because they see that asshole on the road and think, "You know what? I want to be that guy." Is it in the manual? Do they force them to sign a contract that says "If there are two choices on the road, I will always choose the one that will cause the other person on the road to fear for their life or, if such a choice is not available, I will find an option that will, at the least, cause them to lament their commute and all the jackasses on the road."
There must be cheaper ways to brand yourself as an asshole. In case anyone who would like to be a BMW jerk, but doesn't have the money is reading, here are a few ideas for being an asshole on a budget:
1. Get one of those fake e-bikes. You know, the ones that replace the "e" part with a lawnmower motor, to ensure that anyone trying to enjoy a pleasant walk/run in the forest gets to smell your exhaust the entire time.
2. Become a YouTube commenter.
3. Go to any retail store at closing time, ideally time it so that they are literally on their way to lock up. Call to them to wait so that you can come in quickly. Browse for half-an-hour, ask for lots of help. Buy nothing.
4. Raise an idiot. Send them to public school so that you can yell at their teacher.
5. Grab some friends who are also interested in cheap assholery. Walk slowly in a big line on a busy city street or bike path. Come to a dead stop at completely random intervals.
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