Why aren't there special races for men who suck?

As a woman, I often find myself concerned that running is not pink enough and that my fragile lady-legs won’t be able to get through long races. I no longer need to fear though, because race organizers have caught onto the fact that women need easier races with more pink than a 3 year old's princess party. Huzzah!

Why do an IronMan, when I can do an Iron Girl? Or Tough Mudder when there’s Mudderella? I’ll get just as many Facebook likes, and I don’t have to actually work out that hard to get there. Actually, I’ll get more, because I’ll have so much more time to spend documenting my training on social media. It’s the perfect situation!
In case you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic. It’s exhausting watching race organizers marketing easier versions of already co-ed sports to women, because of how often women buy into it. I’ve never felt that my extra X chromosome was out of place at any race or triathlon that I’ve done. Women are just as capable of training for a marathon, an Ironman or an ultra as any men. Biology might make them, on average, slower, but it doesn’t stop them from getting to the finish line. Making easier versions of some of the races that need the most dedication takes all the fun out of finishing and imagining that the runners high is worth all the wasted Saturday mornings, even if the finish line is pink.

The thing that’s most annoying is that all the women who buy into this idea that they need an easier version of bucket list challenges will never know how amazing co-ed races are. This is for one simple reason: they allow even the most average woman to chick annoying guys. Until you’ve felt the thrill of passing that guy that keeps walking for the 4^th time and listening to him mutter “f*ck” under his breath, you really haven’t lived. Honestly, I am an incredibly average runner, but with just a touch of training, I can easily embarrass some guy who didn’t bother to train, but still assumes he can kick my ass (for all the same reasons that people believe women need easier races…hence me finding the entire idea insulting). If anyone needs a special easy race, it’s that asshole.