1. We're in Canada and we are on the metric system. Get a 42.2 bumper sticker or go home.
2. Don't you think it's a little braggy?
3. As far as bragging goes, it's pretty ineffective. The only people who understand it are those who have also run a marathon, and are thus not so impressed by your achievement.
4. Most normal people, who are the people you should really be bragging to, aren't sure what the difference is between a 5km and a marathon.
5. If you really want to celebrate your marathon with whoever happens to be tailgating you at the moment, why not a picture of a stick figure that can't go down stairs?
6. You could also have one of those stick figure families, but one where the mother/father is absent because they're out on a long run instead of spending quality time with their loved ones.
7. Or just print a copy of your finishing picture. You know, that one where you thought your hands were in the air in triumph, but they barely made it past your shoulders and your face screamed, "Why can't I just die already?"
8. Running a marathon is supposed to be a private struggle. An internal mental battle to overcome pain in order to achieve a completely pointless distance.
9. If everyone who ran a marathon got a bumper sticker every time, many now empty cars would be covered in them, creating a hideous blur of 2s and 6s.
10. I'm not impressed that you ran a marathon when you're in your SUV heading to work. Get out of the car and run, you lazy asshole.
11. Another more acceptable way of bragging is an Instagram picture of your blood stained t-shirt because no one had told you about nipple chaffing.
12. Or a picture of you standing awkwardly at the finish line because your legs are too broken to handle the added weight of the medal that you wore for the rest of the day.
13. It had better not be beside a 13.1 sticker. There is no space on your trunk for redundancy.
14. Did you really suffer through a marathon just to brag to strangers who are mainly annoyed that you're a bad driver?
15. When I see someone waddling down the street on a Monday morning, I'm impressed. A numbers sticker does nothing for me.
16. If you have his and hers 26.2 stickers, I'm mainly annoyed because I'm pretty sure that if my partner and I tried to run a marathon together, only one of us would survive to buy a sticker.
17. Unless you are advertising that you can currently run 26.2 miles if we get caught in gridlock traffic and I need help, I'm not sure why I'm supposed to care.
18. When is the last time you saw a bumper sticker with how much someone can bench press?
19. Or the number of hot dogs they can eat in one sitting?
20. Or the amount of time they spent in labour with their kid?
21. The point is, we're all awesome but most of us realize the person looking for an opportunity to gun it past us doesn't really care.
22. Maybe you believe that your bumper sticker is just for you. False. You see it the least of anyone out there.
23. If it was about you, it would be on your rear view mirror.
24. Even if it is about you, most people who've run a marathon can remember that they did it, even if they don't really remember it accurately. They need a sticker to remind them of the mantra they used to stop themselves from puking in the last 10km, not to remind them how long it was.
25. I could get behind it if you added a second bumper sticker that said "<--this is how long a marathon is (in miles)", because at least you're educating people and will save other runners from having to answer "How long is your marathon?"
26. You are aware that even many runners will admit that the main reason for choosing to run a marathon is stupidity. You might as well just get a bumper sticker that says, "I'm with stupid...if I'm a passenger in this car".
26.2 If you are currently running a marathon and the sticker is plastered to your butt, I apologize because you probably made me giggle through my tears. Your
bumper sticker is less annoying...for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment